Wednesday, July 19, 2006
the whole post is on wad i tink nia...u ppl dunid read cos jux nid sum place tuu write out n say....
freakin...sms so mani times my darling nv reply mii hurx...wanted tuu sae so mani tings de...nw i hv tuu write here again..i reali reali reali shld stop relying on ppl!!!!
psq let mii see a video of a gurl vomiting out...den she ate bac her vomit..omg..so disgusting sia...plus i was drinking the drink tt deric buy...omg...den pq n mii were dere lyk wan see dun see dun dare look den look a lil...
guess todae mood bad??or rather sae its lyk my fault hurx...a capella the whole ting...dey quarrel over stupid tings...wad kinda dress,wad kinda shoes...all stupid fights...i reali cant tahan...den dey still cant decide who has wad parts all tt hurx...so frustrating...the dance steps are lyk so kinda luan also...so dere i was trying tuu lyk suggest den all sae no no....all wanna stick tuu their own suggestion...kays fine...let dem decide bahx...dey wan a formal look...we are students wad...-.-...representing our skool summmore lorx...fine fine...let dem decide...since im lyk onli a last minute ting i guess also...everyting dey decide last minute...and it's so lyk last minute...and at the last minute,no one has anitin at all!!!might as well dun go le hurx...or sae might as well wear school uniform go beta...dey claim tt my suggestions sux...along wib sumone else's de....kays...suan le bah....in the end dey still win...lyk so stupid hur!!!guess mayb i shld keep my mouth shut..let dem do the desicions...and den i have tuu kena the scoldin as well hurx....
and my dad goes on sayin he tinks its dangerous for mii tuu go hme tmw by myself...den ning comin my house stay also hurx...she everytime sae wan come and stay bud never....
todae i called out nana den jux nice hana also dere...so i called the wrong nana??haha...nana asked mii i wanna wear malay costume anot...of cos hurx...haha...timw tuu change....hope tis year would b fun also...as fun as 2.5???i mix yixin de photo-taking sessions!!!
the new chinese teacher is lyk so wad lorx...and cos i promise my dar dat i wun use vulgars....so im trying hard nt tuu hurx....dar jux reply mii!!!
she called a guy sit beside mii den the guy lyk so attitude liddat de...omg...i dun even dare tuuu tok tuu him sia....phobia...i wan sit wib my dar...budden cant..haiix...todae in library i was lyk pointing tuu jacky telling him bout my sail test...den tink he saw my dar dere as well den he dun dare come in bahx..haha...the chinese lesson is totally stupid...i shldnt hv sit infront sia...hope the teacher will soon nt b so strict hurx...haiix...i cant even sit as i lyk sia...todae she made mii so scared tt i dun even dare tuu lift my leg up..den become so stiff sia...den once the teaacher go out of the classrm,mii n the person sitting beside mii the response is lyk so same lorx..haha...we push the table farther den finally can cross leg le..haha...tt was lyk the onli funi part???den she lyk so fierce liddat...plus the class onli got mii n ginelle....two gurls...omg...21 ppl,19 guys,2 gurls....wad kinda class is tt...she sae wad mux bring everytin every lesson all tt....and i suddenly miss yixin n hh so much...haiix...remember last time got free period find hh go n sing de hurx...now no one will pei mii le...hope yy still treat mii as a radio in chinese class...den least he will still pei mii sing a lil...or else it'll b shadows and all tt le...
no time sia...tmw is gonna b such a bz dae...and fridae de hmwk i duno how tuu hand up...haiix...mux hand up hurx....budden i duno how...how tuu finish up sia....
kays..i've decided le...smiles forever...u wun see the sad side of mii hurx...it'll alwaes b smiles...i guess...if i cry i owe nana an ice cream again...duno how mani ice creams i treat her le...haiix...all cos of stupidness...
todae in hall dey practise till half i went tuu tok tuu my dar...though im happie dat he shld b able tuu come tmw,budden i scared tt he kena scoldin sia...haiix....adults are alwaes so unreasonable hurx...i guess bahx...kena scoldin over nth..jux cos dey bad mood???
haiix...till now still no replies...jux nw reach hme le went tuu buy the slip ons for tmw...black slip ons...hope presentable bahx hurx...and i so hope tmw i wun see tat pig cos he will dampen my mood alot...now i so seldom see my darling online le....and sms he wun reply hurx...haiix....darling i miss u lar!!!online online!!!!
i found out sum other pl tt are zi lian kuang other den sem hurx...shot n shot pics of demself...-.-...seems lyk so long since i've done tt...and i onli did tt lyk a year ago???onli now im sick of seeing my face dere..-.-...can list out so mani ppl...take n take n take photos....regardless of fat or thin or pretty or handsome or ugly or lyk witch or wadever...-.-...see le wanna vomit sia...everydae change a pic of demself...-.-...make mii tink bac tt time i use danny's phones take pics...den take n take n take...and till nw the photos still wib him...he nv send mii hurx...
the questions and answers...make mii realise how hard it is tuu keep up...finally understand the meaning of fake smiles....though u can run,bud u cant hide...one dae everyting will burst out and u will spend hours jux crying cos of your sorrows....last time i use the cutting method...cut n cut...den realise sum anger....sum hatred....sum sadness...now i resolve nt tuu do tt le...so jia le u shl b able tuu gib mii tt knife???till nw he still nv gib mii the swiss knife tt he said he will gib...i guess i shldnt do tt le bah..the counselor said...do tt jux tuu get rid of the pain in your heart...u are able tuu focus on the pain on your wrist...budden..its onli temporary...after tt...the pain in your heart comes bac again..so why hurt yourself???
after tt tok wib him,i reali reali reali wanted tuu tell him lotsa tings...my sec one lfe...how i felt den...my sec two times....wad happen...those encounters...those stupid cries...how much quarrels...my troubles...budden i din tell im anitin....mayb i was stupid nt tuu sae tuu him...sayin out was supposed tuu help mii de hurx...and i din sae...why i reali wonder tt im so stubborn...why cant i even sae tuu jux help myself...haiix...he made mii realise tt im smiling n laughin...bud i dun hv a reason for tt...i had tuu prove tuu him tt time tt i was nt unhappie...i was a normal person...carrying on with a normal life...a gd life...sumtin tt would b a happi ending for mii...he made me realise tt i shld tell out tings tuu ppl tuu get rid of a burden....bud i cant...or mayb i dun knw my source of burden...source of the lack of sumtin i guess...
piano is alwaes the best wae out...play n play n play the piano...bang n bang...all i can do is tt...playing songs tt bring out my emotions...and wen i play til half,i cant continue on...why izzit tt the waes of relieving troubles is onli temporary de???why alwaes liddat de...u wanna get rid of it...bud still cant...its so hard tuu keep it dere for lyk so long liddat...and yet...dere's a front n a back....u choose your route...u choose your paths...yet u cant overcome the obstacles...hardening features...thundering clouds...the sad scenario...and the haunting memories....
______dead`roses`living`dead
