Sunday, May 07, 2006
haiix....
i blurted out everytin...bud it wasnt everytin...
dk's comments on my craps n troubles...haiix....jidangao is my bestie from sec 2 lerx...mii n him alwaes tok on the phone and all tt kkx...got anitin happen.i alwaes wil tell him...onli now...i dun wan him feel more troubled den he alreadi is marx...haiix....its not tt he wad bahx...haiix....
i dun reali wanna tell dk all these aniwaes...haiix....bud i nv him him bout tt ass....haiix...i dun dare...wad if it was lyk deric???jux sae it was mii who wanted the breakup,den now im unhappie??haiix...i know....i am so useless....i jux dun answer his calls...all those...haiix...bud i reali dun wan a patch marx...wads wrong wib tt...haiix...i duno why....bud my world is alwaes in a mess...haiix..and till now,i haven hv the initiative tuu find my his file n chem file...i know im jux so stupid...haiix....physics a whole chunk of mess...haiix....i hv no one who reali wanted tuu help mii...its jux so pathetic...i wan him bac...tuu love mii once again....bud i reali dun dare lerx....cos i dun wanna b hurt again....
does tt mr hamster wanna listen tuu mii again???i wan him tuu listen..haiix....bud im so scared....jiu qing fu fa...den lata he ignore mii once again hurx....haiix...i know im reali tuu uesless lerx...why izzit so easy for sem tuu reject guys aniwaes???why do i feel so bad after rejectin daryl???haiix....i know i am alwaes lyk tis...dey sae i am tuu soft hearted....bud i hv tried not tuu lerx....i wanna b out going..i wanna b more out spoken...bud i cant....haiix....i fail in wadever i wanna do...and i nv put in the effort needed...haiix....i know tt im jux tuu useless lerx...haiix....
everytime i cry...i jux cant breath...no air seems tuu b dere....and i hv tuu calm dwn b4 i can get air...haiix...i am jux tuu useless...i shldnt even b cryin....cos i was the one who wanted the break up??haiix..i wan sumone...i need sumone...tuu help mii...tuu care for mii...tuu tok tuu mii....tuu advice mii....tuu smile at mii....tuu take my hand...tuu tel mii tt he is dere for mii...haiix....all is over....i dun wanna cry again....i reali dun wan...
i miss his smile...i miss him...i miss the wae he looks at mii....i miss him...
i miss the wae he wears tt garfield tee tuu let mii see....
i mis the wae he holds my hands...i miss the wae he cares for mii...i miss the wae he alwaes helps tuu carry my bag....i miss the wae he alwaes ask mii tings...i miss the wae he is jealous..i miss him...i miss him...
i nid sumone whom i can speak tuu....whom i can voice out tuu...whom i can jus sae n sae whenever i nid tu...bud now.....jidangao jux wanna b dere for sem...deric doesnt reali care....his bo chup attitude is irritatin....
dk...haiix...he seems tuu hv a grudge wib jidangao...how tuu tell him???
i miss him so damn much...i reali wanna cry....
i wanna forget all the past....i remember watchin a horro show...where the murderer killed the person after tt person opened the door...till now,i am still afraid of the dark...i am afraid tuu open the door myself....i alwaes peek through the hole tuu c who is dere when the bell rings....i know im jux darnit stupid hurx...jux so stupid....haiix....
i wanna forget wad tt wh did...i wanna forget wad he did...i accidentally saw sumtin....gave mii so much goosebumps...haiix....make mii keep on wondering...haiix....haiix....i know i hv tuu let go of the past...i hv tuu....bud i cant....its not tt i dun wan tuu...bud its alwaes lingerin....i dun wan i dun wan...haiix...
i cry nowand then wen i tink bout tt....haiix....i shld hv done sumtin for myself....bud y am i alweas so vulnerable???in the end,im alwaes hurtin myself???haiix...i jux feel tt im jux tuu darn useless lerx...cos i alwaes dun tink for myself...or the consequences...haiix....
i wish i could tok tuu danny bout all these...bud he nv call mii lerx..
johnathen has his own gf....den dun wanna care bout mii lerx....haiix...leonard...haiix....he is sumtimes tok,sumtimes dun..haiix....wad shld i do???i wanna cry...bud i am so scared i cant breathe again....the torture of tt...the feelings..haiix....
pls....tuu those who read my blogs....help mii..i dun wanna cry again....
i wan sumone.................................
wo hao hou hui wo zhou guo de shi.... i hate myself........
______dead`roses`living`dead
